November 6, 2019 at 8:33 pm #107161Alison AndersonParticipant
The following is a recreation of Glenda’s post, How To Find A Professional Mistress & Avoid Fakers. A version can be found on the internet archive (also known as the wayback machine) at https://web.archive.org/web/20171218204359/http://www.lockedinlace.com/main/node/35656
The idea of serving a professional mistress, who can give you personal sissy training, is very tempting indeed. Fantasizing about it can make you feel very eager and excited, and you may be desperate to find someone as soon as possible.
However, that also makes you VERY vulnerable and can seriously affect your judgement. Especially if you’ve never had any experience in this area before. The stories we play on the forums here are just fantasies – but many new sissies and subs are unable to separate this from reality. They believe the stories to be possible in real life, when often they’re not, and they’re desperate to make it happen.
Fake mistresses love these types of people, because they know they can take advantage of them. They know these sissies and subs are so eager, that they won’t question what’s going on, and they won’t try to be safe. And because there are lots of desperate sissies out there, there are LOTS of fake mistresses as a result. We’ve seen many targeting people here at LiL and on adult dating sites. It’s very common. They’re only after money, but they’ll pretend they can offer a lot more.
Often they will offer training for life – but DO NOT be taken in by offers of 24/7 lifelong slavery. Any random stranger offering this is lying, period. And in the extremely unlikely event they are serious, it’s really NOT a good idea anyway. See my discussion on 24/7 slavery for more on that, as well as reading this thread.
So, this post aims to give you some important advice, and is split into the following sections:
- Fake Mistresses – How to spot them (including examples we’ve found)
- Genuine Mistresses – How to find them
Fake Mistresses – How to spot them
Fake mistress profiles are very easy to create. Think about it – you know how easy it is to invent a character here at LiL, right? You just pick a name, and copy a sexy picture off the internet to represent them, then you can pretend to be that character in your stories. Well, that’s exactly what these fake mistresses are doing, because it’s so easy.
All they have to do is give themselves a name with the word “Mistress” or “Goddess” in it, and in many cases they will add a sexy picture. The rule here is simple – NEVER assume a mistress is genuine based on that information alone, it doesn’t prove anything!
They will then try to contact submissives to tempt them in. Sometimes they will contact users by Private Messages or Chat. Or they will post on the forum inviting people to contact them. Or they will create a profile on a site like Adult Friend Finder, Alt.com, etc. Or a submissive will notice them online and contact them first.
In any case, as they try to come across as friendly, they will quickly ask you for one, or both, of the following:
- Private contact via email, Skype or phone. If they can talk to you outside of LiL, it means we can’t monitor them.
- Personal info e.g. phone number, address, photos of your face, etc. They’ll use it to extort money out of you.
NEVER EVER give this kind of information to complete strangers online. They DO NOT need it and should NOT be trusted with it.
These people are ONLY interested in money. Even if they don’t ask for it straight away, they WILL be keen to take it from you before long. They have NO concern for your financial, physical or mental welfare, no matter how much they claim otherwise. Again, it’s easy to pretend you’re someone you’re not online, just as we all do here.
So be VERY wary if you get requests for money. And you should be even more alarmed if they ask for cash payments via methods such as Western Union. These are very common methods used by scammers, because it allows them to stay anonymous and untraceable, and you cannot get your money back. NEVER, EVER pay someone in this manner online. Professional, well-known mistresses never take payment this way. (Addition by Alison: Gift cards are now a modern day way of asking for money. These are again usually scams. Once sent you will not be able to get the money back.)
These people often write badly as well, with very poor spelling and grammar – whereas professional mistresses will write in a professional way. And they will steal other people’s images and pretend they’re of them (if a mistress does send you photos, upload them to Google Images to search for any matches, which will prove they’re stolen).
So the bottom line is this…
A professional, experienced, trustworthy and respectful mistress will NEVER contact people out of the blue to offer training and demand money. The whole dom/sub relationship just doesn’t work like that.
Proper mistresses advertise themselves with their own detailed websites, blogs and social media accounts, and then wait for slaves to approach them instead. The scammers, on the other hand, are simply fishing with their posts and messages to see who will take the bait.
So, if a complete stranger contacts you here at LiL with an offer of real-life training, they’re absolutely fake. Ignore them and report them to one of the admins. We will then investigate them and block them. Don’t be afraid – it’s NEVER wrong to be suspicious.
Seriously, your reports are vital – we can’t do anything if we don’t know these people are around. So please don’t be shy, and don’t assume someone else has come forward, because they probably haven’t. The more reports we get, the better, and you’re not wasting our time. Even if it turns out to be a false alarm, it doesn’t matter – we’d much rather look into someone and discover they’re genuine, as the opposite could be much worse. It’s better to be too safe than not safe enough. 😉
Here are a few examples of fake mistresses we’ve found, exposed and blocked so far. Obviously they will keep changing their names, and there are a LOT more fakes out there. But the discussions about these will give you a good sense of what to look for:
Genuine Mistresses – How to find them
Everything we’ve said so far does raise an obvious question – how can you find a genuine pro-domme that you’ll be safe with? And how can you persuade her to take you on as their slave?
There are 3 key answers to this, all of which are explained further below. It takes:
- Time & Patience – DON’T just pick any random mistress or the first domme you see. It doesn’t matter how desperate you are – it’s a dangerous thing to do, and you won’t get the best experience from them. So if you rush it, you’ll regret it.
- Careful Research – DO find out as much as possible about any mistress you’re interested in before contacting them. There WILL be a domme out there who is the perfect match for you, so it’ll feel very rewarding when you find them. You probably WON’T find them via a random dating site profile though.
- Respect – DO show mistresses respect when you contact and interact with them, else they’ll reject you. DON’T ask for sex, as they’re not prostitutes. And DON’T treat them like slaves, as they’re giving up a lot of time and energy to earn their money and keep you happy.
You can find mistresses online by searching in Google, in mistress directories, on Twitter, in femdom clip stores, through recommendations on forums and blog sites, and so on. You won’t find professional mistresses advertising here on LiL either.
So there are loads of places you can look. I would, however, avoid things like adult dating sites for this purpose, as it’s far too easy to create fake profiles in those places, and you never know who you’re going to end up with.
Next, if you find a mistress who particularly appeals to you, make sure you do the following:
1. Do some research
Have a good dig around on Google to see what you can find out. For instance:
- All mistresses should have detailed information about themselves online, including photos. The best mistresses will have their own personal, extensive, well-written websites, because they’re not hard to set up these days. Or she’ll have an extensive profile in mistress directories or on social media sites. There may also be other articles, posts and reviews about her on the web – indeed, you shouldn’t rely solely on what’s on her own website or profile. Just because she’s posted something, it doesn’t mean it’s true, so try to find other sites that confirm her reputation.
- Most mistresses are on social media, especially Twitter, as it’s a great way to promote themselves. In which case, look through her posts AND her list of followers. Because if she’s there, her slaves will be too. They may have posts and images, and even their own blogs, about their experiences with her. Read it all, and contact those slaves if you can – happy slaves are usually only too happy to promote their owners and answer questions about her.
- Some mistresses sell videos on sites like Clips4Sale, Kinkbomb, IWantClips, Customs4U, etc. If your mistress has such a store, then buy one or two clips that take your fancy. It’ll give you a great sense of what she’s like. And if you enjoy those, consider ordering a custom clip, if she offers them and you can afford it. It’s more expensive, sure, but having a video made especially for you is a much more intense and enjoyable experience than a generic clip.
2.Approach them properly
First, look through her website and social media posts to see if there are any instructions on how to approach her. If there are, then follow them. Otherwise she’ll assume you’ve ignored them, and that’s not a great start.
If there aren’t any instructions, however, then see if you can find a contact form on her website, or an email address that she’s given out. If you can’t find those, but she is on a site like Twitter, then post a polite message for her, asking how you can approach her.
In any case, DON’T just bombard her with little messages begging to serve. Mistresses get that all the time, so they just ignore them. Those wannabe slaves haven’t made any effort to communicate properly, so there’s no point in responding to them.
So you need to stand out and show that you’ve thought about it properly. Preferably by composing an email to her if possible. It mustn’t be too long, or she’ll get bored – but even so, it needs to have a few well-written paragraphs, showing that you’ve thought about things carefully. For instance:
- How did you discover her? She’ll like to know this, so she can promote herself in the right places.
- What attracted you to her? She’ll love appreciation and praise. So what have you seen that you really like?
- What are your fantasies? She’ll need to know what buttons to push, so she can make it as fun as possible.
- What are your limits? She’ll have to know what to avoid. Don’t say you’ll do anything, she won’t believe you.
- Do you have restrictions? She can factor in limits of your home life, social life, work, etc for your training.
- What do you hope to achieve? She can help you aim for particular goals if you let her know what they are.
- Do you have questions for her? She’ll want you to feel comfortable, so she’ll answer reasonable queries.
The important thing is to be honest with her, just like you expect her to be with you. If she finds out you’re lying, or if you make promises you later don’t keep, you won’t be her slave for much longer. You don’t have to give her any sensitive, identifying information, not even your real name – it’s what’s in your head that really interests her, so the more detail you can give in that area, the better.
3. Make The Effort
Your Mistress will give you as much as attention as she can, when she can, as long as you:
- Show patience – She’s a regular person just like you. She’ll have a family life and a social life, and she’ll go on holiday sometimes. She may have a second job away from the fetish world, or it may be her only career – but either way, she won’t be working 24/7. And even when she is in mistress mode, she’ll have other slaves to deal with as well as you. So DON’T get too demanding – you’re the slave, remember, not her, and nobody likes an abusive submissive.
- Communicate respectfully. If you ask for sex, or are rude to her, or if you just can’t interact well, then she’ll reject you. She’s NOT a prostitute or a slave, and it’ll be easy for her to find another slave to replace you. But if you’re prepared to chat properly, and regularly show praise and appreciation for what she does, then she’ll be very willing to talk to you, and you’ll develop a friendship. Good mistresses are really nice people, even if they present themselves as mean. They won’t get into a relationship with you, sure, but they’ll be very kind.
- Pay her financial tributes. It’s her job, remember, which she has to put a lot of time and effort into. Why would she bother going into this business if she’s not rewarded? She won’t give you freebies when others are prepared to pay instead. That may sound strange, as fake mistresses ask for cash too. But the key thing is, professional mistresses will NOT approach you out of nowhere – they’ll wait for you to approach them first, and they’ll reward you for your payments with caring attention. Whereas fakers will give you nothing of any value in return.
- Follow her instructions. She will respect your limits if there’s stuff you can’t do, but if you can’t be bothered to do any of the tasks she sets you, or if you keep making excuses to delay everything, then she won’t be pleased. If you want to be trained, you have to put in the work too. But DON’T push yourself too far either – be honest if you really can’t do something, so you can discuss alternative options together. Your mistress may want to push you a bit, sure, but she’ll want you to have fun and not come to any harm as well. So there is a balance to be reached there.
That’s a lot to take in, I know – but it’s really just common sense, based on respect and communication. If a professional mistress feels respected and rewarded for her work, then she’ll show you respect and kindness in return. And you’ll have one of the most exciting and amazing experiences of your life.
So you do need to put in the time and effort to ensure you find a mistress who’s the best match for you, and who you’ll be safe with. If you’re in any doubt about someone, then just walk away. NEVER, EVER take unnecessary risks just to satisfy your sexual urges. It’s really not worth it.
November 6, 2019 at 9:28 pm #107176PinkballoonParticipant
- This topic was modified 6 months, 4 weeks ago by Alison Anderson.
You know these both gotta be pinned again, they’re important messages.
2 users thanked author for this post.November 7, 2019 at 7:47 pm #107415Wyoh KnottParticipant
There is a new “Mistress” soliciting contact information. She is going by the name ‘Supremegoddess’. When I responded to her first PM here is her next PM:
Good day to you, How was your night and how did you sleep?
Let goddess have your hangouts email, Hope to hear from you
When I responded that I would not give out personal information and would be reporting her, I got another PM telling me that I was dumb.
Please be wary of persons asking for your Personal Email Address. They can then send you all kinds of malicious software, Trojans, Malware, Ransomware, etc.
Be safe all.
_November 9, 2019 at 3:23 pm #107887Anonymous
I have been approached by a Goddess Estella to become her submissive sissy. She provided a Gmail address to continue communicating (first alarm bell).
She has also asked for photos and a lot of personal information + a potential fee for me to pay for her services (it was a gift card).
This was my second alarm bell.
Is there someone who can investigate Goddess Estella?
Sissy ClaireNovember 16, 2019 at 1:53 pm #109273JeenaParticipant
Terrific advise and well written! Will be good to review as needed. Thank you!
My name is Jeena and I do what I am told .November 19, 2019 at 7:19 pm #110012DeeParticipantNovember 19, 2019 at 7:26 pm #110019Wyoh KnottParticipant
Just had someone try to contact her through email or texting only and asked a bunch of questions including “Are you prepared to pay 345 pounds fee?”
Her grammar was terrible too.
How do I report her?
You can send a PM (private message) to @Jacqueline. I have sent her several about these predators. Be wary, there seem to be several on the site now, or it may be the same person using multiple accounts. I always copy and paste the predator’s message into my message to Jacqueline for reference.
And thanks for posting here. The more people that warn others, the more we can help keep all of us safe from them.
Ps: Whenever you post a warning about a specific person, please include their name in your posting so others can steer clear of them.
1 user thanked author for this post.November 19, 2019 at 10:12 pm #110050JacquelineModerator
Thank you all for watching out for each other by reporting these frauds and tricksters. We moderators do not have the ability to eliminate these people from the site. We report them to Melissa for banning, but she is busy in real life, so we need to just keep each other informed.
1 user thanked author for this post.November 19, 2019 at 10:35 pm #110055DeeParticipant
I shall remember to PM Jacqueline then!
But the person’s name is kRISTINA
Watch out everyone!
Deelicious!~November 25, 2019 at 2:44 am #110982Sissy ChrissyParticipant
Wow thanks for the info on mistress scams.November 25, 2019 at 8:11 pm #111134FantasiaParticipant
Excellent advice and kudos to the team for helping to police the site and protect us!
(I'm not really this naughty, it's just that I'm written this way)February 26, 2020 at 8:35 pm #129439Lady RajimaraParticipant
Finding this here I thought I would share a PM I received that may or may not be something. Better safe than sorry for you Young sub girls:
Goddess Kristina Sent 31 minutes ago
I am Goddess, i’m open minded, I lover BDSM lifestyle, I am strict, but yet loving and caring, into real term and online Domination, You can be train in any series of your choice like; Submissive Man/slave, Sissy slut, Bimbo, Pet, CD, TS, ABDL, Whore, S&M, Diaper, Sex slave, Faggot and so many more, But it depends on your choice of training sessions that you wish to undergo, which i believe you will love it so much. if your intrigued, drop me your email address or text number, or reach Me on goddessjwillfixu@gmail
Lady Rajimara Sent 4 seconds ago
I am The Begum Rajimara, very nice to meet you. I am assuming you havent been here long as you would be able to find someone who would tell you I would be flattered by your kind offer…..but The Begum Bottoms to no one, and never switches.
Like I said. better safe than sorry. In the end the choice is yours
Be well and Dream well
Lady of Taciturn&Solitude
March 9, 2020 at 12:12 pm #131264Sissy SlaveParticipant
Wowwwww thanks for the info
Your servant SissyMarch 31, 2020 at 4:01 pm #136907Sir MaxywaxyParticipant
How about including Master’s as well; you know some sissy’s prefer Us as well and believe the set of precautions applies. Thank you for the professional courtesy.March 31, 2020 at 4:13 pm #136911poppyParticipant
How about including Master’s as well; you know some sissy’s prefer Us as well and believe the set of precautions applies. Thank you for the professional courtesy.
I think Glenda is referring to “Professional” Mistresses in her words here. I know there are a very few out there but it is very rare to come across a “Professional” Master. Certainly, all the scams and unwanted advances here ending up asking for money tend to come from only Mistresses. But I suppose if a “Master” started asking for money, exactly the same precautions should apply.
"'Will you walk into my parlour?' said the Spider to the Fly."
i am baby blue and i am proud to be owned by Sapphire StormApril 2, 2020 at 10:14 am #137381RyleeParticipant
Thanks for the information. Personally, I suppose I just got lucky. My bff from college knew I needed it.April 29, 2020 at 1:03 am #145141JanParticipant
I am owned by Master Martin. This Sissy has been blessed with a Kind Master. We don’t get as much time together as I
would like, but He is very attentive when we can be together. He takes the time to instruct me as to what He wants me
to do for Him. He is very quick to reward good sissy behavior. I do look forward to the next time we can be together.
Jan is a sissy. Sissies do as they are told.
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