FAQ

Getting Started

Hey there! Welcome to Locked In Lace! 😀

Welcome to our friendly and supportive community, dedicated to the fascinating and frilly world of forced feminization since 2005. It’s completely free and safe to use.

The main focus of the site is our roleplaying games, where you can create a character and tell their story, with the help of other players on the site. So you could play a submissive who becomes feminised, or a dominant character who helps to keep the sissies in line.

You can also chat with other members of the site on the forums and by sending messages, you can share your own stories and captions, and you’ll find various other goodies like motivational posters and games to entertain you.

So do have a good look around – including in this FAQ, as there’s lots of info here to help you. In particular, we recommend reading the Getting Started posts first, and also the Important Concepts posts. Just take your time with everything, as there’s really no rush. We hope you have fun! 😉

(Note: This FAQ is currently work-in-progress, as this is a new version of the site and things are still settling down. So we haven’t got everything in here just yet. But keep checking back, as we’re adding new details to the FAQ regularly!)

 

By signing up to Locked In Lace, you’re agreeing to obey our core rules. Please ensure you understand them:

  1. You must be 18 years old to be here. If you’re not, please go elsewhere. If you roleplay a character while you are here, the character must be at least 18 and we do not allow images of underage models. No exceptions!
  2. We do not allow any beastiality, pedophilia or incest in our stories, links or anything else. And this is not a pornography site. While the stories and written words on this site can be explicit, images and media uploaded cannot. Nudity and erotic imagery is perfectly acceptable, but we do not allow XXX-Rated imagery, as this will violate our software agreement.
  3. Respect the other members of the site. Statements made that are inflammatory, rude or intentionally hurtful will not be allowed here. We support free speech and freedom of opinion, but please do so in a civil manner. Role-played ‘villains’ are allowed but please keep them in the games where they belong and make sure that those you play with know that it is part of the character. This site is a safe space for fantasies to be shared.  We do not tolerate intolerance.

We also recommend you read the Important Concepts posts in this FAQ, as they cover essential points to be aware of.

 

To sign up, just click the Register link, either at the bottom of the Home page, or among the menu options at the top of the site.

You’ll be taken to a short form you need to fill out, which is divided into 2 columns:

  • Account Details:
    • You need to supply a username and email address, and set up a password.
    • You need to fill in both password boxes, to confirm you’ve typed it correctly. You’ll see the word “Mismatch” if they’re not the same.
    • Longer and more complex passwords are harder for others to guess or hack into. So you’ll see text saying if your password is “weak”, “medium” or “strong”. If you want your password to be rated “strong”, try to include numbers and symbols as well as letters.
  • Profile Details:
    • You need to enter your Player Name, which is a consistent name other players can identify you by, regardless of what your characters are called. You can also choose who can see this (everyone, just you, your friends, or all registered site members) by clicking the Change link.
    • You need to confirm your acceptance of our Core Rules by ticking the acceptance box. Everyone will be able to see that you’ve ticked this.

Click Complete Sign-Up when you’re done.

You’ll then be sent an email with a link to click on to confirm your registration. If it doesn’t arrive, check your Junk/Spam folder.

When you click the link, you’ll be sent to a page to activate your account. The activation key will be filled in for you, so just click the Activate button.

That’s it! You’ll be told the account has been activated, so you can then log in with the username and password you created. Welcome aboard! 🙂

There are various things you can do after registering:

Fill out your profile

This is very important. You’ll be taken to it on your first login, but you can come back to it at any time by hovering over the avatar image in the middle of the menu bar and clicking Profile on the pop-up menu.

On the Profile page, click the Edit link to update your information, which is divided into 2 tabs. The Player tab is simply what you filled out during registration. But if you click the Character tab, there’s loads of stuff you can fill in, and we strongly recommend you go through it. The more you tell us here, the more likely is it hat people will be interested in playing with you.

Take your time exploring the site

This is also important, so you know what’s on offer and what’s expected of you. It can be overwhelming if you try to do too much at once, so there’s no need to rush into anything.

So have a look through the various menu options and pages to see what you find, and have a look through this FAQ for information about things.

And also look at what other people are doing, as that’ll give you a good sense of how things work, and you can see if anyone looks like a potential playmate.

Introduce Yourself

Make a post in the Welcome Topic to let us know who you are and what you’re into. Be descriptive here, as it’ll help you get attention. How did you find us? What do you like about feminization? Do you crossdress in real life? What other hobbies and interests do you have? Some friendly players will then drop by to welcome you, who might become playmates.

Join In

If you want to get involved in the roleplaying, you can have a go at making your first roleplay post in the M&R Corporation or Lacy Place games. Again, take your time to make a well-thought out post, as that gives you the best chance of someone wanting to play with you.

You can also join in the discussions as well, and ask for help if you need it. You can also contact other users directly by sending Messages (public or private). You’ll find the option to do this on every user’s profile page. Please be polite and respectful, as they won’t like it if you’re demanding or impatient.

So just explore, introduce yourself, and above all have fun! And if you find yourself spending lots of time here, please consider donating to help us out. It does cost money to run the site and keep it free for you to use, so we’d really appreciate any help you can give. 🙂

Moving From The Old Site

Due to big changes in her personal life, Melissa (@lissadaniels) has had to simplify and streamline Locked In Lace The old version of the site had become far too time-consuming and costly to run, so we have closed it for the time being.

So this is our new home – welcome! 🙂 We believe this will be much easier to look after. But we’re still learning how everything works, just like you. So please be patient with us. It will take a bit of getting used to.

Important Notes:

  1. You must register a new account to play here. Your old details will not work.
  2. You must not post explicit images, as this will violate our software agreement. Eroticism and nudity is ok, but NOT straight-up porn.

You cannot access your old account or your old stories and discussions any more.

We know this will be very upsetting, and we’re extremely sorry. There was just no way of transferring things to this new site.

Everything on the old site has been backed up though, so we will try to restore things in the future if we can. It won’t be for quite a while though.

No, not at all. Just carry on from where you left off. But if you feel better starting afresh, that’s fine too.

You’ll find it in the Lacy Place Group, which has its own forum where you can tell your stories. Contact @jacqueline if you need more information.

The Roleplaying area is the new home of M&R, divided up into various sections for you to explore.

That isn’t possible on this new site, unfortunately. That was a very complex feature to set up on the old site as it was.

So you’ll have to register separate accounts for each profile. You will need a distinct email address for each account – but don’t forget there are tricks here.

If you use Gmail for instance, you can use the + sign to create multiple versions of your address. If you had sissy@gmail.com for instance, then you could register sissy+candy@gmail.com, sissy+bella@gmail.com, sissy+slutty@gmail.com, etc, and all emails would go to sissy@gmail.com. Some email providers also let you create ‘aliases’, which are alternate addresses that deliver to your main inbox. So do check out your email provider’s help pages.

An alternative is to use your single account, but post an image or some very clear text at the start of every post to show which character you’re writing as.

Everyone can now post fictional stories within their own profile pages, and our plan is to create a story list where people can post links back to their work.

You can post captions by going to your own ‘activity’ page and adding ‘Media’ there, which also allows people to comment and react to them.

We now have a dedicated captions moderator – @FeliciaWood – who will try to ensure we stay within the proper code of conduct of this site.

PLEASE REMEMBER:

  • Images uploaded need to be erotic but NOT explicit (i.e. NO porn). This is very important so that we stay within the terms of our hosting agreement.
  • Captions must be your own work. In the past we have been contacted by creators who were very frustrated at seeing their work posted without permission by our users. This discourages creators from creating content that you enjoy, so please be respectful.

If you would like to be recognized as a caption maker, we recommend you join The Digital Girls Club. This is where you can list yourself as a captioner and share your latest work. There may be even be contests and competitions, who knows?

I do suggest that if you are posting captions, please make them and don’t just repost other people’s work.  In the past I have been contacted by creators very frustrated that there work is posted without permission by users at this site.  This discourages creators from creating content that you enjoy, so please be respectful.

P.S. We’re happy to say that Renee’s Mistress Motivationals are also available here on the new site.

Chat rooms aren’t supported on this new site. Sorry. But you can create a dedicated group where people can chat if you want.

If you would prefer to use a chat program, Discord has become quite popular among some of our members since Yahoo Messenger closed.

This interactive story is being redesigned to work without Flash software. We’ll have more news on this when it’s ready.

The stories Chastity: Book One, Drinking Games and Video Games are available on the Forced Feminization Fiction page (under Fiction in the top menu bar).

Maidenhead will be posted as a free, complete, fully illustrated novel in the not too distant future.

Important Concepts

In Forced Feminization there is a dominant person, of any gender, who forces a male (or a ‘masculine’ female) into taking on a feminine and submissive role. The submissive is often seen as unwilling and reluctant, hence the force. Deep down, however, the submissive actually WANTS it to happen, even if they act like they don’t.

Roleplaying is a safe way of exploring that fantasy. In our games here at LiL, you can create a fictional character (who is dominant or submissive) and tell their story, interacting with other characters played by our other users. Each game has its own guidelines and story ideas to help you get involved. Some people also roleplay outside these games e.g. in private or in chat. But the basic principles remain the same.

It’s VERY important to understand the difference between Players and their Characters:

  • Players are the real-life people using this site on their computers. Anything written from a Player’s point of view is Out Of Character (OOC).
  • Characters are the fictional people in the stories, created by the Players. Anything written from a Character’s point of view is In Character (IC).

That might seem obvious, but some people get so deeply involved that it’s hard to tell the difference. Yet there is a big difference, because they can each act very differently.

For instance, a Character might beg not to be spanked, but the Player might really want it. But if the Player hasn’t told you that, how can you be sure they want it? Or if you have a new idea for the story, how do you know if they’ll like it?

Likewise, if there’s something you want to happen, how will people know unless you tell them? Nobody can read your mind, so don’t make people guess, or they may well get it wrong.

The same applies if another player upsets you. They won’t understand what’s wrong unless you tell them, so you need to discuss it in a polite, adult manner. Don’t be rude to them, as it’ll just make you look bad. Just talk about it properly, and you should be able to sort something out. But if you can’t settle things, don’t be afraid to contact one of the admins, they’re here to help you.

So remember – OOC communication is vital. We cannot stress it enough. When you play with someone, keep in regular contact with them outside of the story (e.g. using Private Messages). If you’re friendly and clearly understand each other’s fantasies and limits, it’s a lot easier to make things fun for each other and resolve problems.

Have a look at this video to further understand why this is all so important:

If you’re new here, you probably have a mixture of feelings. You’re (hopefully) keen to get involved and have fun, but you’ll also be anxious to make a good impression and find new friends. Truth is, you’ll settle in pretty quickly once you get used to it all, but it can be hard at first.

If you want to get on with people, then you need to show respect for other players on the site. Doing so will earn you a lot of respect in return.

It’s actually quite easy to do that, as long as you take your time and keep the following important tips in mind.

Take things slowly

Don’t just dive in and post in lots of random places to get attention. And never interrupt other people’s stories without permission. At best you’ll look impatient, and at worst you’ll really upset people if you dive into private threads uninvited. You’re much better off making a single, well-thought out post to request help or to start your story, as people will appreciate the effort.

And talking of stories – if you speed through them to the end, the experience won’t be anywhere near as exciting as it could be, and you might run out of things to do. It’s all very well getting a ‘quick fix’, but the satisfaction doesn’t last long then. So build things up slowly and naturally – don’t be afraid to involve plenty of foreplay before the story’s climax. It’ll be more interesting for you to write and for others to read.

On a similar note, you also need to be patient. We’re not a chat room, so you won’t get instant replies to your posts. We’re all in different time zones and log in at different times. And we all have real lives away from LiL, which can be very demanding and time-consuming for some people. So don’t put pressure on people to respond.

Communicate your desires clearly

If people don’t get what they want or they fall out, it’s pretty much always because they haven’t communicated properly or respectfully. Remember, nobody is a mind-reader, so people won’t know what makes you the most happy unless you tell them. We cannot stress this enough.

So don’t just say you’ll do anything or that you have no limits. It’s actually very unhelpful. It means people have to guess how to please you, and it suggests you haven’t given any real thought as to your fantasies and limits. Fact is, there will be certain things that really turn you on, and things that you would rather avoid. Everybody has limits of some sort, even those who claim they don’t. And your playmates need to know what turns you on and off. Ideal places to tell us are your profile, an OOC comment attached to your first story post, and also when exchanging messages with new playmates.

This is REALLY important, because everybody is different. There will be some players and characters who you really click with, and others who are just not suitable for you at all. So being open about your fantasies and limits is vital, to help match you up with the right people, and so those people know how to make stories fun for you. And if you get to know their fantasies as well (which you should), you can help them have fun too.

Don’t force things on other players

That might sound bizarre on a forced fem site, but remember the distinction between Players and Characters. You must always respect the wishes and desires of other Players, especially about their characters and stories. After all, they’re here to have fun just like you.

So don’t write the words and actions of other people’s characters, don’t cross any player’s limits, and don’t change stories in a radical way if people aren’t happy for you to do so. Instead, get to know your playmates by communicating regularly, so you can reach agreement on how to make the stories work for everyone involved. Don’t be demanding or put pressure on anyone – just work together to ensure everyone has fun.

Think before you write

If you’re not prepared to put a bit of effort into your writing, then other players won’t either. In other words, if your playmates have given up their time and creative energy to help you, then at least try to do the same in return.

So, before you type, put yourself in your character’s shoes and immerse yourself in the scene. What can they sense around them (use all their senses – sight, sound, etc). What are they doing, feeling, thinking, saying, etc? If you’re starting a new thread, or moving to a new location in the story, try to set the scene and get a clear picture in your head. And if you’re replying to someone, think about how your character will react. Be careful not to respond to a character’s private thoughts, you can’t read minds.

Make your posts clear and easy to understand

Once you’ve got the scene clear in your mind, you must then put it into words. The post doesn’t need to be long, but try to be descriptive so we can understand what’s in your head and enjoy what’s going on. And then, try to ensure the post is readable – following these tips will help:

  • Clearly separate speaking and thinking so your readers don’t get confused. And don’t respond to another character’s private thoughts – your character can’t read minds!
  • Use sentences, paragraphs and punctuation to break the text up – people won’t want to read lengthy, unbroken blocks of text.
  • Check your spelling and grammar as best you can (we appreciate it’s difficult for some, so just do what you can).
  • Adding text effects and images can help your post to look more attractive – as long as you don’t go over the top with them.
  • Make sure your playmates have something to respond to, so the story keeps moving forward bit by bit (but not too quickly – again, there’s not much to gain by rushing stories).

If you’re still not sure after reading the above, have a look at this video which explains things further:

Doms are very much encouraged here, and are naturally in high demand from our Subs. Of course, being a Dom isn’t as easy as it looks – it carries a lot of responsibility and can be hard work. But it’s also very rewarding when you get it right, resulting in some very special friendships. So it’s well worth the effort, and your confidence will grow as you settle in. And we hope you have fun with it all!

As always, the key thing is to have respect, trust and communication between all players – meaning the Players must get on well, even if their Characters don’t. So it must be clear that you’re friendly and approachable as a Player, especially if your Character is an evil type. You’ll therefore need to communicate regularly (using Private Messages, email, chat, etc), both before and during your stories. It’s vital so you can develop a good friendship, help each other have fun and know how to avoid each other’s limits.

Here’s some other important advice to bear in mind, please read it through carefully.

First Steps

Have a good look around to start with, especially if you’re new. Make sure you understand the rules and guidelines, and get a feel for the stories and players we have here. And don’t be afraid to ask questions – other players and the admins will be happy to help you.

Then, when you feel ready, you can create your character and start their story, setting up their arrival and establishing the type of person they are. Also be clear about your fetishes and limits – particularly in your profile, but it’s also helpful to summarise them in your very first story post too. as this is the first thing many people will see. For instance, is your Character a loving, caring Dom, or do they prefer to humiliate and punish the Subs? Are they into kinky games? Do they want a maid to serve them? And so on, there are lots of possibilities.

Contacting Other Players

Once the Subs become aware of a new Dom in town, some might get in touch to ask if you’ll play with them. You can also contact any players on the site that you like the look of. That includes other Doms of course, who can give you useful advice and add extra variety in your stories. You’re certainly not restricted to playing only with Subs.

In any case, you’re not obliged to play with anyone who asks – it’s your choice who you play with and what stories you agree to. So don’t let people pressure you. Do some research to decide if they’ll be a good match for you. Chat to them about their desires, limits, etc, and read their posts and profile info.

If a Sub claims they’ll do anything and gives you no guidance, don’t be afraid to ask for more detail – after all, you’re not a mind-reader! Likewise, if you’re given a huge list of demands or a long script, you can ask them to scale it back so it’s not too overwhelming or restricting. And if they’re not right for you, it’s perfectly fine to say no.

Doms Have No OOC authority

All Players are equal, regardless of each Character’s status. The only authority you have is In Character in roleplay scenes – provided you and your playmates are in agreement Out Of Character (OOC). And when it comes to other players (at an OOC level), you cannot cross their limits, dictate how their stories should go, decide who they can interact with onthe site, or order them around in any other fashion. This still applies even if the other player’s submissive character is the ‘property’ of your dominant character, because that ownership is really just an In Character fantasy.

Also, you’re not in competition with other Doms either. It doesn’t matter if people do things differently to you or if multiple Doms share the same job title, as long as everyone’s behaving within the rules. The variety is important, and working together with other Doms can make things very interesting.

Acting Submissive

You can also do stories where your Dom character is dominated by someone else – perhaps your character is a bit of a switch for instance. Just be a bit careful here – if the Subs form the impression that your character is actually rather submissive, it can really diminish any authority you want them to have. So

If you do find you have a really submissive streak, then you might want to create a separate Sub Character to satisfy that side of you. It’s surprisingly common – many Doms here have previously played, or are currently playing, a Sub character. As well as giving you extra variety in your play, it also helps you to gain an understanding of what it’s like to be a Sub, which you may find very useful when you go back to dominating them.

Owning Subs

It’s not essential or required, but some Doms like to ‘mark’ one or more Subs as their property, to signify the closeness of their relationship – e.g. using a collar, tattoo, jewellery, etc. Most of them will show this in their signatures or profiles, so it’s clear to others.

If you want to do this, then don’t rush it. As your relationships with other players develop, it’ll naturally become clear if you’d like to adopt a particular Sub. Of course, some Subs will start asking or begging to be marked early on, but you don’t have to say yes straight away. If they’re serious about it, they’ll be willing to prove themselves worthy first.

Make sure you discuss it first before you actually mark them. After all, you need the Player\s consent, even if their Character doesn’t want it. And there are other things to consider. For instance, will the Sub still be allowed to play with other Doms? Can other Doms punish them when they misbehave, or do they have to report it to you? You need reach an agreement that you’re both comfortable with. Don’t force lots of restrictions on them, as the Sub might not want their playing limited too much.

It’s also important to understand that it’s not a competition. Having lots of marked subs doesn’t prove anything or give you any privileges. And don’t try to ‘steal’ or mark a Sub that’s already owned by another Dom either, unless both the Dom and Sub in question say it’s ok. A Sub can certainly be owned by multiple Doms, but everyone involved needs to agree on how it’ll work.

Alts (Alternate Characters) are extra characters created by a player for their own, personal use. Nobody else can post as those characters. So, if you create multiple characters in your account, in order to tell different stories, they will usually be alts – unless you consider any of them as an NPC (Non-Player Character).

Alternatively, some people create separate player accounts for each character, to keep their alts secret – but it then means you have to log in to a separate account for each character, which isn’t as convenient.

Non-Player Characters (NPCs) are supporting characters that everyone can write. Unlike alts, they are not the sole property of just one player.

NPCs are extremely useful. If you need an extra character in your story, and you can’t find someone else to play them, then just write the character yourself. It may be just for one post, or you might use them regularly. Examples could be a bartender serving you a drink, a casino customer, a manager, etc.

Just don’t use a character that’s private to another player, that’s the important thing.

You can write an NPC in one of two ways:

  • Write them into your main character’s posts, making it clear the NPC is a different character (e.g. add a picture or heading, use different coloured text, etc); or
  • Create them as an additional character in your account, and then post as that character. If you do this, make it clear they’re an NPC – e.g. state it in their name and/or signature. That way, other people will know they can use the character as well. Otherwise, they might mistake it for a private alt of yours.

So don’t be afraid to use them, as NPCs can add a great deal of variety and freedom to your stories.

This refers to the style of writing being used in the stories. Most people write in the first person style, but it’s fine to use the third person style if you prefer.

First Person involves writing from the character’s own point of view – e.g. “I did this”, “I said”, “We decided”, “We did”, etc.

Third Person involves writing as a narrator (a non-existent ‘third person’) who observes the character’s actions – e.g. “Sally did that”, “He said”, “She thought”, “They decided” etc. If you write this way, please make sure you’re only describing your own character, not anyone else’s.

As for Second Person, that’s where descriptions are aimed at another player’s character – e.g. “You look around”, “You kiss her”, “You wonder what to do”, etc. Here at LiL, however, you must never write the actions of other people’s characters for them, unless they’ve said you can, so this style is very rarely seen here.

ReLILtivity is a word our users have invented, to reflect the fact that character (story) timelines differ to player (real-life) timelines.

Put simply, it takes longer to write a story than it does for the events to happen. A story covering an hour of your character’s life can easily take days, weeks or months to write. And if you’re only doing one story at a time, it’s easy to keep track of the order in which those stories occur.

As you get more involved, however, you’re likely to do multiple stories at once. These will all take place at different points in your character’s timeline – after all, they can’t be in two places at once. But even so, is still isn’t a problem in a most cases. The order of the stories might be obvious, or it just won’t matter.

But sometimes the order does matter, especially if something changes about your character. For instance, let’s say your character gets massive breast implants in one of your stories. Your friends are bound to notice! But some stories are still taking place before you had the implants, so you can’t talk about them there. And some stories will happen after. So you may end up playing two variations of your character for a bit, and you’ll need to remember which is which!

Sometimes it’s easy to keep track, but sometimes it can be confusing. So you need to try and keep things consistent and in some sort of order in your head. Your character’s diary is the ideal place to organize things this way, so that you (and others) can make sense of what’s going on. Or you can make some notes on your own computer if you prefer. In any case, it’s just something to think about.

Ever seen a word or phrase used on LiL that you don’t quite understand? You might find it in the list below.

And if you don’t find the answer you’re looking for here, posting your query on the forum will soon get you answers from our lovely community.

Tip: To find a word or phrase on this page quickly, use the Find function in your browser (often under the Edit menu).

  • Academy – The Lily Academy is where the schoolgirls are trained in the M&R Corporation.
  • Admins – The administrators help to look after LiL. Contact them if you have a problem on the site you need help with.
  • Adult Babies (ABs) – These are adult characters that dress up and act like babies or children. You can roleplay ABs here – provided you make it absolutely clear that the character is over 18 years old and you do not post any pictures of children. We strongly recommend adding an OOC disclaimer to the start of such stories to make this clear, and to warn those who want to avoid such stories.
  • Alternate Characters (Alts) – Where a player has more than one character on the site, their extra characters are sometimes referred to as alts. You must register separate accounts with unique email addresses if you want multiple characters.
  • Avatar – An image that represents you or your character on the site.
  • BBCode – Short for Bulletin Board Code. This is special code that allows you to add effects to your text – e.g. bold, italics, underline, colours, lists, etc. You do this by adding ‘tags’ to the start and end of your text that you want to change.
  • BDSM – Combines the terms Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. It’s a roleplay or lifestyle choice between two or more individuals, who use their experiences of pain and power to create sexual tension, pleasure, and release. See the BDSM topic on Wikipedia for more information.
  • Bestiality – Sexual activity between humans and animals. It is strictly prohibited here, and must not be in any posts or links.
  • Bisexual – Having a sexual or relationship preference for both males and females.
  • Blog – Short for”web log”, this is an online journal or diary, which can include text, pictures, videos, links, etc.
  • Bondage – The practice of being physically restrained e.g. using cuffs, rope, gags, etc.
  • Browser – The program you use to access sites on the internet e.g. Firefox, Google Chrome, Internet Explorer, Opera and Safari to name a few. They’re all free to download, and pretty easy to use.
  • Bugs – These are errors and problems in computer programs and websites. And, just like real life bugs, they need to be squashed and eradicated if they’re a nuisance. So please report them if you find any!
  • Character – A fictional person that you create for storytelling and roleplaying. They may be based on you in some ways, or might be completely different.
  • Chrome – A free program used to browse websites on the internet, developed by Google. You can install it from this link. See the Browsers entry for other programs you can use.
  • Consent – Giving consent to a playmate here means to give them permission to do certain things to your character (e.g. you might allow a dom to spank your character). There can be limits on how far this goes (e.g. you might not want the dom to spank too hard or leave severe marks).
  • Corporation – A fictional, evil corporation that feminizes men and trains them as secretaries, schoolgirls, slaves, maids and nurses, before renting or selling them to their distinguished clients.
  • Crossdressing – The wearing of clothing and other accessories commonly associated with the opposite gender, as seen and accepted by society in general. For more information, see the cross-dressing article on Wikipedia.
  • Discipline – The act of punishing a submissive character. This can be for bad behavior and/or to train them to behave in a particular way.
  • Domination – The act of controlling a person or a situation e.g. by physical or mental manipulation. So, in our roleplaying games, domination can involve the control of things like a character’s appearance and behavior. The people are who being dominated are often called submissives, because they submit to what’s happening – either willingly or by force.
  • Femdom – Short for Female Domination – when the dominant character in a scene is a woman. A dominant female may have a title like Domme, Dominatrix, Miss, Mistress, Ma’am, Goddess, Princess, etc.
  • Firefox – A free program used to browse websites on the internet, developed by a company called Mozilla. You can install it from this link. It’s the browser we recommend using, but others are available (see the Browsers entry for more.
  • First Person – A writing style often used by people on our roleplaying forums and when writing stories. It involves writing from the character’s own point of view – e.g. “I did this”, “I said”, “I thought”, “we decided”, “we did”, etc. The writer is directly acting as the character. Compare this to Third Person, the other common style, where the player observes the character and writes as a narrator – e.g. “Glenda did that”, “He said”, “She thought”, “They decided” etc). For more on this, see the Wikipedia article on First-person narrative.
  • Forced Feminization – In this type of play, there is a dominant person, of any gender, who forces a male (or, occasionally, a ‘masculine’ female) into taking on a feminine and submissive role. The submissive is often seen as unwilling and reluctant, hence the force – but, deep down, actually WANTS it to happen. For a more colorful explanation of the concept, click here or watch this video.
  • Forum – A collection of public conversations (often called topics or threads), based on a particular theme. Each person’s entry in a conversation is called a post. Forums may be divided up into sub-forums to further divide a theme into sub-sections. Here at LiL, we use forums for our roleplaying games, divided into sections for the various different types of story you might want to tell.
  • Gay – A term often used to describe someone who is homosexual, having a sexual or relationship preference for someone of the same sex.
  • Gender Role – Refers to the set of social and behavioral norms that are considered to be socially appropriate for individuals of a specific sex. This may refer to the way people dress, speak, behave, etc. For more information, see the Gender Role article on Wikipedia. Compare this with the definition of Sex (the noun), which isn’t always the same as gender.
  • Goddess – A title submissives sometimes have to use to address a Mistress.
  • Google Chrome – A free program used to browse websites on the internet. You can install it from this link. See the Browsers entry for other programs you can use.
  • Heterosexual – Having a sexual or relationship preference for members of the opposite sex.
  • Homosexual – Having a sexual or relationship preference for members of the same sex.
  • IC – See In Character below.
  • In Character (IC) – Anything written from the point of view of your fictional character is described in this way. Compare this to OOC (Out Of Character), which refers to you, the player behind the character, instead. When roleplaying with other people, you must always make their OOC (Out Of Character) wishes a priority – even if their character apparently isn’t happy, it’s vital to ensure that the player behind the character is still having fun.
  • Internet Explorer (IE) – Microsoft’s free program for browsing websites on the internet. Often comes as part of Windows, but can also be installed from this link. See the Browsers entry for other browsers.
  • Lacy Place – A fictional, evil casino, set just off the Las Vegas strip. It tricks men into gambling a special chip, which gets them heavily into debt with the casino. The only way for them to pay off the debt is to work there… and they only take female employees.
  • LiL – Short for Locked in Lace.
  • Lesbian – A woman who is homosexual, having a sexual or relationship preference for other women.
  • Limits – These are things that you really don’t want to happen to you or your character while you’re playing here. Everyone has limits, even if they say they don’t. Maybe it’s extreme pain, or bondage, or a certain item of clothing you despise. Whatever it is, your playmates won’t know about them unless you tell them. It’s one of the many reasons why it’s important to communicate with people when planning and playing out stories here.
  • LMAO / LMFAO – Short for “laughing my ass off” or “laughing my fucking ass off” when chatting online.
  • Locked in Lace (LiL) – The site you’re on right now! We’re an adult-only site dedicated to the fascinating and frilly world of forced feminization, where you’ll find role-playing games and stories and a very supportive community.
  • LOL – Short for “laughing out loud” when chatting online.
  • M&R Corporation – See The Corporation above.
  • Magic – Magic is allowed in stand-alone stories and captions here on the Main site. However, it is not permitted in our roleplaying games, as they are set in the real world (or a close equivalent of it). This is to make the games accessible to as many people as possible, and ensure the experience stays consistent for everyone. Characters may still have a belief in magic (e.g. Wicca), but any threads where this plays a major role should be kept private, ideally with an OOC disclaimer to inform those who want to avoid it. It’s also fine for a character to think they have magical abilities – but they can’t actually prove it, so it should always be a possible that it’s just in their imagination.
  • Masochism – Receiving pleasure from mental, emotional or physical pain or humiliation. The term refers to Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose novel Venus in Furs explores a sadomasochistic relationship.
  • Master – A male character who takes on a dominant role to control and train the submissive characters. If you’re looking for a Master, please don’t bombard them with demands or put pressure on them. The masters here at LiL are usually not professionals, and are played by ordinary people just like you. And they cannot read your mind, so don’t say they can do anything – communicate with them so they have some idea of what does and doesn’t turn you on. The female equivalent is often a Mistress.
  • Melissa Daniels – Owner and webmistress of Locked in Lace, in partnership with Renee Carter-Daniels
  • Mozilla Firefox – A free program used to browse websites on the internet. You can install it from this link. It’s the browser we recommend using, but others are available (see the Browsers entry for more.
  • Mistress – A female character who takes on a dominant role to control and train the submissive characters. If you’re looking for a Mistress, please don’t bombard them with demands or put pressure on them. The mistresses here at LiL are usually not professionals, and are played by ordinary people just like you. And they cannot read your mind, so don’t say they can do anything – communicate with them so they have some idea of what does and doesn’t turn you on. The male equivalent is often a Master.
  • Moderators – Moderators (also known as the admins) help to resolve issues on the site, so do contact them if you have any problems.
  • Non-Player Character (NPC) – When taking part in our roleplaying games, you can write supporting characters into your main character’s posts, to help tell the story (e.g. an extra girl, manager, client, guard, relative, ex-partner, etc). This extra character does not have a separate registered profile, because they don’t need one. It’s not the player’s main character, and it’s not a character played under another account, so therefore it’s a Non-Player Character. You just need to ensure the supporting character is clearly distinguished from your main character (e.g. you could use different color text for their speech and thoughts).
  • OMG! – Short for “Oh My God!” when chatting online, as an expression of surprise.
  • OOC – See Out Of Character below.
  • Opera – A free program used to browse websites on the internet. You can install it from this link. See the Browsers entry for other programs you can use.
  • Orientation – See Sexual Orientation below.
  • Out Of Character (OOC) – Anything written from the point of view of you, the real-life person sitting at your computer right now. Compare this to IC (In Character), which refers to anything said or done by your fictional, virtual characters on the site. When roleplaying with other people, you must always make their OOC (Out of Character) wishes a priority – even if their character apparently isn’t happy, it’s vital to ensure that the player behind the character is still having fun.
  • Player – The real-life person sitting at their computer when using our website. This is in contrast to any characters they create, which are fictional and virtual instead.
  • PM – Short for Private Message (see below).
  • Post – If you make a contribution to a conversation or story here at LiL, or leave a comment somewhere, your individual entry is called a post. A collection of posts collected together as one conversation is often called a topic or thread. And if groups of topics/threads on a similar theme are collected together in one place, this collection is called a forum.
  • Private Message (PM) – A message that you send to another user, that nobody else on the site can see. PMs are extremely useful for getting to know one another and planning stories together.
  • Profile – Information about a player or character on the site is contained in that individual’s profile. You can see a person’s profile by clicking their name or profile image.
  • Real Life (RL) – You have a life away from LiL and your computer. So does every other user of this site. And this Real Life of yours must always take priority. Look after your friends, family, work colleagues, home, possessions – and most of all, yourself. Don’t sacrifice things just to be here. And if there’s a problem that needs to be dealt with in RL, then do it. If you can, let your friends know that you won’t be around for a bit – you don’t need to say why. They’ll all understand and wait for you.
  • ReLILtivity – We’ve invented this term to refer to the difference between the real-life timeline of you, the player, and the virtual timeline of your characters in your stories and roleplaying adventures. For example, a story that happens over an hour of your character’s life may take days of your personal life to write. And as you get more involved in our roleplaying games, you’ll find yourself in multiple stories at the same time, all of which happen at different points in your character’s timeline. It can take a bit of getting used to, especially if one story has to happen before or after another for it all to make sense.
  • Renee Carter-Daniels – Owner and webmistress of Locked in Lace, in partnership with Melissa Daniels.
  • RL – See Real Life above.
  • Roleplay (RP) – When you create a character here at LiL and tell their story, you are playing the role of that character. It’s a fictional character in a fictional world, but there can be elements of the real you in there of course – be it personality, looks, desires, or whatever. You can roleplay in our Corporation and Lacy Place games, where you’ll find lots of characters, created by lots of different people, all interacting with one another. Just be sure to respect all the other players. And, most of all, enjoy it!
  • ROTFL / ROTFLMAO – Short for “rolling on the floor laughing” or “rolling on the floor laughing my ass off” when chatting online. ROTFL is sometimes written as ROFL.
  • RP – See Roleplay above.
  • Sadism – Getting personal pleasure, excitement or satisfaction from causing pain, suffering, or cruelty in various ways. Named after the Marquis de Sade, whose writings described the pleasure of inflicting pain on others.
  • Sadomasochism – A combination of sadism and masochism. A sadomasochist enjoys both inflicting and receiving pain and cruelty.
  • Safari – A free program used to browse websites on the internet, developed by Apple. You can install it from this link. See the Browsers entry for other programs you can use.
  • Safeword – A word or phrase used by a submissive to end a scene because of genuine pain or other problems. The word “No” or similar terms should never be used as a safeword, because ‘forced’ scenes often involve the sub pretending to resist (e.g. pretending they don’t want to be spanked). Instead, recommended words could be ‘Green’ (to say everything’s fine), ‘Yellow’ (to ask the dom to slow down or back off a bit) or ‘Red’ (to say stop immediately). Here at LiL, the use of Private Messages and OOC comments makes safewords unnecessary, as problems can be communicated that way. But in real-life scenes, safewords are important.
  • Science Fiction – Sci-fi is allowed in stand-alone captions and stories here on the Main site. However, our roleplaying games are set in the real world (or a rough equivalent of it), in order to make it accessible and consistent for all players. This is because most people prefer to play in a realistic setting, as they like to imagine things happening for real. So science fiction is generally prohibited. However, we do make an exception for advanced technology that is used to feminize people, for those who want instant or more complex transformations. But please be careful not to push it too far, and don’t force it on other people who aren’t interested in it. If we feel that you’re taking the sci-fi elements too far, or if it’s significantly disrupting other people’s fun, then we will consider reining it in.
  • Second Person – A writing style that is effectively directed at you – e.g. “you look around and feel lost”, “you kiss her tenderly”, “you wonder what to do next”, etc. In our games and stories at LiL, however, people should write about their own characters, so the more appropriate styles are first-person (from the character’s point of view) or third-person (writing as a narrator). Please remember that you should never write another character’s speech or actions unless the player behind that character has given permission.
  • Sex – As a noun, this refers to the chromosome makeup of a player or character (i.e. XX = Female and XY = Male). It often corresponds to the genitalia of the character, but not necessarily always. For more information see the Wikipedia article on Sex. Compare this to the definition of Gender Roles, as gender and sex aren’t always the same thing.
  • Sexual Orientation – Describes your emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attraction to males, females, both, or neither.
  • Submission – If you are being controlled or dominated by another person, and you do what they ask – either willingly or by force – you are submitting to them. Of course, here at LiL, any ‘force’ is only pretend, as the players being ‘forced’ really want it to happen, even if their characters in the games don’t. That’s why you must always ensure the player behind the character is happy.
  • Switch – A person who has a preference for being both submissive and dominant (though not necessarily at the same time).
  • Third Person – A writing style often used by people on our roleplaying forums and when writing stories. The player writes as a narrator (an invisible ‘third person’), observing their character and describing what they’re doing – e.g. “Glenda did that”, “He said”, “She thought”, “They decided” etc. Compare this to First Person, the other common style, where the writing is done directly from the character’s point of view – e.g. “I did this”, “I said”, “I thought”, “we decided”, “we did”, etc. For more on this, see the Wikipedia article entitled Third-person narrator.
  • Thread – Also called a Topic. This is a collection of comments or messages (called posts) on a specific subject. A collection of threads in one place on a specific theme is often called a forum.
  • Toys – 1. The physical objects used in a scene for erotic or sexual purposes e.g. whips, paddles, cuffs, blindfolds, gags, dildos, etc. Or 2. The submissive girls owned by the companies in our roleplaying games are often called Toys, because they exist for the company and its clients to ‘play’ with.
  • Transgender (TG) – Where a person considers their gender identity to be different from the sex they were born into – e.g. a man who believes he is a woman in a man’s body. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation – TG individuals can be straight, bi or gay. It can be a complex topic though. For more information, please see the Transgender article on Wikipedia.
  • Underage – Any player or character that is below the age of 18 years is underage, and is therefore not allowed here, period.
  • Vanilla – A term often used to describe people who do not participate in activities relating to BDSM, domination, submission, etc.
  • Webmistresses – Refers to Melissa Daniels and Renee Carter-Daniels, who own and run Locked in Lace.
  • WTF? – Short for “what the fuck?” when chatting online, as an expression of confusion.

Finding Mistresses & Masters

If you’re new here, we strongly suggest you focus on starting your character’s story first, before you try to be anybody’s slave. This will help you settle into the game, and will allow the Doms to see what your playing style is like. The friends you make during your intro will also be able to recommend people you can approach.

Once you’ve settled in a bit, you can then look at politely approaching a Dom via Private Messages or Chat. Here are some tips to help you get noticed and tempt a Dom into playing with you.

Initial Contact

DO NOT just say you’ll do anything. It’s not at all helpful, because it doesn’t tell the Dom anything. You need to put in more effort than that to stand out from the crowd, and you need to understand how the Dom/Sub relationship works. So be clear about what you’re looking for:

  • What kind of domination do you want? Do you want a loving, caring Dom to gently guide you on your journey? Or do you want a dom to tease you and humiliate you in a fun, sexy way? Or do you want a dom to treat you like dirt and make you do all sorts of horrible things? Or do you want something else?
  • What are your fantasies and limits? Doms need to know what you do and don’t like – they can’t read your mind to find out! And everyone has limits of some sort. So, by telling a dom what you’re particularly into (or not into), they can make the experience as fun for you as possible. Don’t write a massive list, but do give them a general guide to work with. It’ll make their job a lot easier.
  • Are you looking to be marked as their property (e.g. collared)? Marking isn’t a required part of the relationship, but if you want it, don’t beg for it too early. Most Doms won’t mark Subs they barely know, and marking should symbolise a well-developed, close relationship. So just chat and play with them first, to build up trust and respect for each other. Then you can consider asking – or, indeed, the Dom might offer.

If you take the time to consider things like this, it will earn you a lot of respect, and will give you a much better chance of finding a Dom that’s a good match.

Don’t treat Doms like slaves

Many Subs wrongly assume that Doms are there to do everything for them and have to satisfy their every demand. But that’s wrong and unfair. It’s not just about you, and that sort of attitude can put off Doms from playing.

Fact is, Doms are just here to have fun. They are not obliged to do anything for you. Once you’ve told them what you’re looking for, it’s their choice if they play with you or not, and which of your fantasies they feel able to satisfy. Don’t demand things from them or write a long list or script for them to follow. And don’t get impatient when waiting for their replies

Of course, you can politely refuse things you genuinely don’t like, because Doms cannot cross your limits. Just make sure you communicate Out Of Character to make your limits clear, else it won’t be obvious (e.g. even if a Character resists something, the Player may still want it).

Communicate regularly and show respect

Even if the Sub and Dom Characters don’t get on, it’s essential that the Players do. There must be respect, trust, loyalty and understanding for the relationship to work – and the best way to earn this is through Out Of Character communication (e.g. Private Messages, email, chat, etc). If you get on well outside the game, then you’ll have more fun in the game.

So get to know your Dom. Find out their interests, limits, playing style, etc. Ask what they expect from you, and how you can make the experience fun for them. And then, as you play your story together, keep in touch to make sure you’re both having fun, and to bounce ideas off each other for how to continue. And if something isn’t going quite right, have a polite discussion to figure out how best to fix it.

Also, in the story itself, make sure you put effort into your posts. If your Dom writes a few, well-written paragraphs for each post, they won’t be impressed if you come back with just a line or two every time. So think about it. Describe how your character is thinking, feeling and reacting, and explore the situation. Don’t rush the story, just do enough to keep it moving along at a natural pace.

And finally, thank your Dom if you really enjoy playing with them. Lots of Subs forget to do this, but it means an awful lot to a Dom if they feel appreciated. It means they’ll be more willing to play with you again, and more likely to stay on the site in general. And you want that, right?

We are not a contact site for finding real-life Doms. We’re about fantasy roleplay – which will actually give you great experience of what the Dom/Sub relationship is like, in a safe and virtual way. You’ll learn a lot from it.

But we also understand how you feel. The idea of serving a professional mistress, who can give you personal sissy training, is very tempting indeed. Fantasizing about it can make you feel very eager and excited, and you may be desperate to find someone as soon as possible.

However, that also makes you VERY vulnerable and can seriously affect your judgement. Especially if you’ve never had any experience in this area before. The stories we play on the forums here are just fantasies – but many new sissies and subs are unable to separate this from reality. They believe the stories to be possible in real life, when often they’re not, and they’re desperate to make it happen.

Fake mistresses love these types of people, because they know they can take advantage of them. They know these sissies and subs are so eager, that they won’t question what’s going on, and they won’t try to be safe. And because there are lots of desperate sissies out there, there are LOTS of fake mistresses as a result. We’ve seen many targeting people here at LiL and on adult dating sites. It’s very common. They’re only after money, but they’ll pretend they can offer a lot more.

There is a separate FAQ post explaining fake mistresses and how to spot them. But here we’ll explain how you could try to find a genuine real-life mistress.

There are 3 key ways to find a dom and attract their attention, all of which are explained further below. It takes:

  • Time & Patience – DON’T just pick any random mistress or the first domme you see. It doesn’t matter how desperate you are – it’s a dangerous thing to do, and you won’t get the best experience from them. So if you rush it, you’ll regret it.
  • Careful Research – DO find out as much as possible about any mistress you’re interested in before contacting them. There WILL be a domme out there who is the perfect match for you, so it’ll feel very rewarding when you find them. You probably WON’T find them via a random dating site profile though.
  • Respect – DO show mistresses respect when you contact and interact with them, else they’ll reject you. DON’T ask for sex, as they’re not prostitutes. And DON’T treat them like slaves, as they’re giving up a lot of time and energy to earn their money and keep you happy.

Do Your Research

You can find mistresses online by searching in Google, in mistress directories, on Twitter, in femdom clip stores, through recommendations on forums and blog sites, and so on. Remember, you won’t find professional mistresses advertising here on LiL, so we’re NOT the place to look!

So there are loads of places you can look. you should avoid things like adult dating sites for this purpose, as it’s far too easy to create fake profiles in those places, and you never know who you’re going to end up with.

When you do find a mistress who particularly appeals to you, make sure you have a good dig around on Google to see what you can find out. for instance:

  • All mistresses should have detailed information about themselves online, including photos. The best mistresses will have their own personal, extensive, well-written websites, because they’re not hard to set up these days. Or she’ll have an extensive profile in mistress directories or on social media sites. There may also be other articles, posts and reviews about her on the web – indeed, you shouldn’t rely solely on what’s on her own website or profile. Just because she’s posted something, it doesn’t mean it’s true, so try to find other sites that confirm her reputation.
  • Most mistresses are on social media, especially Twitter, as it’s a great way to promote themselves. In which case, look through her posts AND her list of followers. Because if she’s there, her slaves will be too. They may have posts and images, and even their own blogs, about their experiences with her. Read it all, and contact those slaves if you can – happy slaves are usually only too happy to promote their owners and answer questions about her.
  • Some mistresses sell videos on sites like Clips4Sale, Kinkbomb, IWantClips, Customs4U, etc. If your mistress has such a store, then buy one or two clips that take your fancy. It’ll give you a great sense of what she’s like. And if you enjoy those, consider ordering a custom clip, if she offers them and you can afford it. It’s more expensive, sure, but having a video made especially for you is a much more intense and enjoyable experience than a generic clip.

Approach them properly

First, look through her website and social media posts to see if there are any instructions on how to approach her. If there are, then follow them. Otherwise she’ll assume you’ve ignored them, and that’s not a great start.

If there aren’t any instructions, however, then see if you can find a contact form on her website, or an email address that she’s given out. If you can’t find those, but she is on a site like Twitter, then post a polite message for her, asking how you can approach her.

In any case, DON’T just bombard her with little messages begging to serve. Mistresses get that all the time, so they just ignore them. Those wannabe slaves haven’t made any effort to communicate properly, so there’s no point in responding to them.

So you need to stand out and show that you’ve thought about it properly. Preferably by composing an email to her if possible. It mustn’t be too long, or she’ll get bored – but even so, it needs to have a few well-written paragraphs, showing that you’ve thought about things carefully. For instance:

  • How did you discover her? She’ll like to know this, so she can promote herself in the right places.
  • What attracted you to her? She’ll love appreciation and praise. So what have you seen that you really like?
  • What are your fantasises? She’ll need to know what buttons to push, so she can make it as fun as possible.
  • What are your limits? She’ll have to know what to avoid. Don’t say you’ll do anything, she won’t believe you.
  • Do you have restrictions? She can factor in limits of your home life, social life, work, etc for your training.
  • What do you hope to achieve? She can help you aim for particular goals if you let her know what they are.
  • Do you have questions for her? She’ll want you to feel comfortable, so she’ll answer reasonable queries.

The important thing is to be honest with her, just like you expect her to be with you. If she finds out you’re lying, or if you make promises you later don’t keep, you won’t be her slave for much longer. You don’t have to give her any sensitive, identifying information, not even your real name – it’s what’s in your head that really interests her, so the more detail you can give in that area, the better.

Make The Effort

Your Mistress will give you as much as attention as she can, when she can, as long as you:

  • Show patience – She’s a regular person just like you. She’ll have a family life and a social life, and she’ll go on holiday sometimes. She may have a second job away from the fetish world, or it may be her only career – but either way, she won’t be working 24/7. And even when she is in mistress mode, she’ll have other slaves to deal with as well as you. So DON’T get too demanding – you’re the slave, remember, not her, and nobody likes an abusive submissive.
  • Communicate respectfully. If you ask for sex, or are rude to her, or if you just can’t interact well, then she’ll reject you. She’s NOT a prostitute or a slave, and it’ll be easy for her to find another slave to replace you. But if you’re prepared to chat properly, and regularly show praise and appreciation for what she does, then she’ll be very willing to talk to you, and you’ll develop a friendship. Good mistresses are really nice people, even if they present themselves as mean. They won’t get into a relationship with you, sure, but they’ll be very kind.
  • Pay her financial tributes. It’s her job, remember, which she has to put a lot of time and effort into. Why would she bother going into this business if she’s not rewarded? She won’t give you freebies when others are prepared to pay instead. That may sound strange, as fake mistresses ask for cash too. But the key thing is, professional mistresses will NOT approach you out of nowhere – they’ll wait for you to approach them first, and they’ll reward you for your payments with caring attention. Whereas fakers will give you nothing of any value in return.
  • Follow her instructions. She will respect your limits if there’s stuff you can’t do, but if you can’t be bothered to do any of the tasks she sets you, or if you keep making excuses to delay everything, then she won’t be pleased. If you want to be trained, you have to put in the work too. But DON’T push yourself too far either – be honest if you really can’t do something, so you can discuss alternative options together. Your mistress may want to push you a bit, sure, but she’ll want you to have fun and not come to any harm as well. So there is a balance to be reached there.

That’s a lot to take in, we know, but it’s really just common sense, based on respect and communication. If a professional mistress feels respected and rewarded for her work, then she’ll show you respect and kindness in return. And you’ll have one of the most exciting and amazing experiences of your life.

So you do need to put in the time and effort to ensure you find a mistress who’s the best match for you, and who you’ll be safe with. If you’re in any doubt about someone, then just walk away. NEVER, EVER take unnecessary risks just to satisfy your sexual urges. It’s really not worth it.

A genuine, professional mistress will NEVER EVER approach people on a site like this to offer real-life training. If a complete stranger tries to offer you such training here, and/or tries to get personal info from you, please report them to one of the admins immediately. NEVER EVER give personal info, contact details or money to complete strangers online.

This is because fake mistress profiles are very easy to create. Think about it – you know how easy it is to invent a character here at LiL, right? You just pick a name, and copy a sexy picture off the internet to represent them, then you can pretend to be that character in your stories. Well, that’s exactly what these fake mistresses are doing, because it’s so easy.

All they have to do is give themselves a name with the word “Mistress” or “Goddess” in it, and in many cases they will add a sexy picture. The rule here is simple – NEVER assume a mistress is genuine based on that information alone, it doesn’t prove anything!

They will then try to contact submissives to tempt them in. Sometimes they will contact users by Private Messages or Chat. Or they will post on the forum inviting people to contact them. Or they will create a profile on a site like Adult Friend Finder, Alt.com, etc. Or a submissive will notice them online and contact them first.

In any case, as they try to come across as friendly, they will quickly ask you for one, or both, of the following:

  • Private contact via email, Skype or phone. If they can talk to you outside of LiL, it means we can’t monitor them.
  • Personal info e.g. phone number, address, photos of your face, etc. They’ll use it to extort money out of you.

NEVER EVER give this kind of information to complete strangers online. They DO NOT need it and should NOT be trusted with it.

These people are ONLY interested in money. Even if they don’t ask for it straight away, they WILL be keen to take it from you before long. They have NO concern for your financial, physical or mental welfare, no matter how much they claim otherwise. Again, it’s easy to pretend you’re someone you’re not online, just as we all do here.

So be VERY wary if you get requests for money. And you should be even more alarmed if they ask for cash payments via methods such as Western Union. These are very common methods used by scammers, because it allows them to stay anonymous and untraceable, and you cannot get your money back. NEVER, EVER pay someone in this manner online. Professional, well-known mistresses never take payment this way.

These people often write badly as well, with very poor spelling and grammar – whereas professional mistresses will write in a professional way. And they will steal other people’s images and pretend they’re of them. If a mistress does send you photos, upload them to Google Images to search for any matches, which will prove they’re stolen.

So the bottom line is this…

A professional, experienced, trustworthy and respectful mistress will NEVER contact people out of the blue to offer training and demand money. The whole dom/sub relationship just doesn’t work like that.

Proper mistresses advertise themselves with their own detailed websites, blogs and social media accounts, and then wait for slaves to approach them instead. The scammers, on the other hand, are simply fishing with their posts and messages to see who will take the bait.

So, if a complete stranger contacts you here at LiL with an offer of real-life training, they’re absolutely fake. Ignore them and report them to one of the admins immediately. We will then investigate them and block them. Don’t be afraid – it’s NEVER wrong to be suspicious.

Seriously, your reports are vital – we can’t do anything if we don’t know these people are around. So please don’t be shy, and don’t assume someone else has come forward, because they probably haven’t. The more reports we get, the better, and you’re not wasting our time. Even if it turns out to be a false alarm, it doesn’t matter – we’d much rather look into someone and discover they’re genuine, as the opposite could be much worse. It’s better to be too safe than not safe enough. So please be vigilant and stay safe.

I want to be a 24/7 sissy slave for the rest of my life! I’ll do anything! I need this so badly!”

If we had a dollar for every time a sissy’s said that, we could run a real-life institution to feminize people.

It is a wonderful fantasy. But that’s the point – it’s fantasy. And that’s VERY different from reality. Being a 24/7 sissy slave is NOT at all likely to happen in reality. So you need to manage your expectations on that front. If a random stranger on the internet is offering to make you their 24/7 slave, DON’T do it – they’re probably lying and just after your money, or worse. Take a look at our post about fake mistresses for more details.

But even if 24/7 slavery were possible, it’s NOT something you would enjoy anyway. Seriously. If you think otherwise, then you clearly haven’t thought it through, and we’ll explain why below.

Your better bet is to find somebody who can play with you sometimes. Not all the time, just sometimes. If you do it less often, in moderation, you’ll enjoy your play all the more, and you can still be a normal person away from it. It’s all about keeping the balance.

So please don’t let your sexual urges cloud your judgement. If you can’t separate fantasy from reality and think in a sensible, practical way, then you’re heading for trouble, and you’ll be extremely vulnerable. Trying to indulge your sexual fantasies is not worth giving up the rest of your life for.

But why is it such a bad idea?

Well, for one thing, it’s an addiction. If the idea of becoming a 24/7 sissy slave has taken over your life, then there’s a problem, much like a drug addict always looking for their next ‘fix’. And, like any addiction, the novelty doesn’t last forever. It may be really great to start with, but then reality and self-doubt will set in. There will be feelings of guilt and shame, and you’ll question why you’re doing it. And those feelings never go away.

That’s why most crossdressers have ‘purged’ at some point, ditching all of their lovely things, because they feel guilty about what they’re doing. They thought it was going to be wonderful, but it’s not that simple. It feels wrong to do this kind of thing sometimes, because it’s not ‘normal’. It’s not what society expects of you, and you know that. If you’ve felt guilty after masturbating to porn and sissy material sometimes, then you know the feeling in a small way. And the more intense the situation, the more intense the shame that comes with it. So if you were a 24/7 slave, you’d have to deal with that.

But let’s assume you could deal with all that. That’s not the only problem to consider.

There’s also life in general. It’s not a bed of roses, and it has a habit of throwing curveballs that you don’t expect or want. Things will go wrong. People will get upset. People can get hurt, physically or mentally. Unexpected changes will happen, for better or worse, because life is the harshest mistress of them all.

And think about everything you’d have to give up – your family, friends, career, home, possessions, money, etc. Is it really worth all that? Is it worth giving up all the friendships you’ve had, and may have in future? Is it worth throwing away career opportunities that can earn you good money and respect? Is it worth giving up the chance to get married and have kids, or to go travelling to great places? When you get old and look back at your life, would you be happy knowing that all you’ve done is act like a sissy slave all the time? This isn’t a video game – you only get one life to play with.

Once you’ve entered into a life of sissy slavery, it would be very difficult to go back to your old, ordinary life, because it is such a major change. And yet, it’s very likely that you would want to go back, certainly sometimes:

  • What if you feel so guilty and upset, as discussed above, that you change your mind and want to stop, and your owner won’t let you?
  • What if your owner got fed up with things, or had a major change in their life, which meant they no longer needed or wanted you? What if they kicked you out on the streets with no money, ID or possessions as a result?
  • What if your owner found they enjoyed abusing you so much that, even if you hated it, they just focused on abuse regardless of the sissy slave aspect of things, and regardless of how you felt?
  • What if your owner had a horrible accident that left them with a severe disability or killed them, effectively leaving you to fend for yourself?
  • What happens when you and/or your owner get old, and need a lot more looking after, with assistance from doctors and social services?

How would you deal with those things? Don’t just say “that would never happen to me”, because it could.

Still keen to go for it? Ok, well, the next step is to find someone to serve…

You need to find someone who you get on well with and trust 110%. After all, you wouldn’t get married to a complete stranger you didn’t know anything about – or I’d hope not – and the same applies here. It would need to be someone you’ve spent a great deal of time with – in person – and have got to know extremely well.

But here’s the danger. There are people out there who will prey on people like you, trying to take advantage of your horny, vulnerable state for their own greedy and perverted needs. We’ve seen it here, with numerous instances of fake mistresses approaching subs offering real life training, when it’s blatantly obvious they’re frauds, who are just after money without any care for your safety.

So, even though it will be tempting to meet someone online, it’s also very risky. Fraudsters will say and claim anything, happily ‘grooming’ you for many months if that’s what it takes, to try and persuade you they’re safe. It’s far too easy to tell lies and create fake pictures online. So the only way to be sure that someone online is safe is to – eventually – meet them in real life, and spend considerable time getting to know them extremely well before you actually get into any slave agreements with them.

There are professional mistresses online too, sure. But, again, the same still applies. There are fakes (as discussed in this thread). And of those who are genuine, most don’t actually want or need live-in slaves. They’re just doing a job where they dominate people, but they still have a normal life, with a partner, family and friends, maybe even another job, outside of their work. And even if a mistress did want a live-in slave, they would still want to get to know you and trust you extremely well first before even considering taking you on.

Or, if you were to meet a regular person in real life and became really good friends with them, maybe even entering into a loving relationship, then you might be able to bring up the subject with them somehow. But there’s no guarantee they would be happy finding out about your sissy side of course, nor would they necessarily want to make you their slave either.

So finding the right person is really tricky and full of risks. You have to be prepared to put in a lot of time, research and effort to find them, and make sure you feel truly safe with them. It could take months or even years. But if you’re not prepared to do that… if you’re just after a quick fix… you won’t ever succeed.

If you’re still prepared to go for it, then there’s one more important thing.

It’s very dangerous and thoughtless to say “I’ll do anything”. For a start, it’s a lie. Everyone has limits, without exception. There will always be things that you don’t enjoy, or are not capable of doing. And allowing someone to do anything at all to you, without careful thought as to what your limits and capabilities are, is asking for trouble. Do you really want to live a life doing lots of things you hate? For instance…

  • What if they were into hard physical abuse, like beating you black and blue?
  • What if they enjoyed cutting your skin with knives and scissors?
  • What if they and their friends wanted to use you as a toilet slave every day?
  • What if they gave you hormones and other pills without proper medical advice and supervision? That’s a whole topic in itself really – NEVER take any medication, hormones, etc without seeing a doctor first. Period, no matter what your owner tells you.
  • What if they tattooed permanent makeup on you, and other permanent tattoos all over your body?
  • What if you could only eat horrible stuff like dog food all the time?
  • What if you were sent out to have sex with lots of random men, without any care if they use protection or have diseases or not?
  • What if you were in pain or discomfort and were protesting but, because you didn’t have a safeword, your owner refused to stop it?

All extreme questions, but it’s no more extreme than the 24/7 slave fantasy. There are people out there who will treat you in those ways regardless of how you feel about it, and regardless of whether it’s safe or not. If you’re going to transform your body, for instance, with hormones and surgery, you’ll need to have professional doctors and plenty of money involved. If the other person isn’t prepared to get medical professionals involved, or claims to be one without any proof, then you’re in serious danger.

All in all, there’s lots to think about. It may not be what you wanted to hear, but you really do need to think realistically about it. If it were a simple and safe thing to achieve, we’d all be doing it and I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this. And it’s not really how many of us would want to live our entire life.

So think about it VERY, VERY carefully. Wonderful though a 24/7 slave fantasy is, it’s really not practical or sensible. In theory, yes, if you were to find the right person and everything worked out perfectly, it could happen. But I wouldn’t get your hopes up. You’ll have a lot more chance of success and happiness if you focus on more realistic and safe goals, which allow you to play sometimes and in a safe way without disrupting the rest of your life.

Still, there will always be those who don’t heed warnings. So, if after reading all that, you’re still desperate to be a 24/7 slave forever, and if you really are prepared to put in the time, thought and effort to try and make it happen, and you don’t mind your entire life being overhauled in such a major way, then that’s great – I wish you luck! But if you are that desperate to pursue it, please just make sure you’re really, really safe and certain about it. It really isn’t worth taking silly risks and chances just to satisfy your kinky desires. Play safely.

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